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| I think I have commitment issues. 
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| Lately the subject of relationships just keep coming up and I can't seem to avoid it. It's everywhere - with friends, with my sisters, with my parents, with my co-workers.
Had a talk with Kinndy today that finally put my mind at ease. She saw things that she shared with me and I gotta say...it touched me. I'm not without hope. In fact, I'm quite optimistic because I know what chemistry feels like and what always attracts me without fail. It's just not around me yet.
I doubt Eddie will ever see this so I say this without any worries. It's not that I don't appreciate him and I definitely feel badly about the way we left things. In fact, I love him truly as a great friend and thank him for allowing me to look outside the box. With him, things were always so much easier and my days were always less stressful. From day one at work, we bonded and shared stories, outlooks and jokes. Kinndy said from the first day she met him with me, she knew there was that instant chemistry - perhaps not chemistry between a couple but clear chemistry that shouted a connection.
For the first time in a long time, I examined the possibility of opening my heart up to another person. It's just one of those things I feel insecure of doing. But with Eddie, he was a friend I could easily chat hours with. We didn't have many common friends except our co-workers and we surely didn't go to the same school, yet everything was just that easy. I was by no means in love --- but similarities kept reminding me of KK and it was the same feeling of simply.... joy. Being with him and making sacrifices was never hard. I hesitated only out of insecurity and fear, never of being unsure.
Eddie goes off to serve in the PeaceCorps in a few months and well, I wish him all the best. I'm not even sure where he's being assigned to, perhaps I should ask before he leaves. I hope random postcards or letters will bring a smile for him once in awhile.
You can't rush and you definitely can't search for that kind of connection. You also should never just settle because, well, that kind of happiness and comfort just can't be forced or replaced.
Thank goodness the love from my sisters and friends has allowed me to SEE clearly.
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| Our 20's are gonna be one hell of a ride.
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ridiculousness.